When it hurts to be around people

When it hurts to be around PEOPLE in general....
I don't want to be touched or hugged.
I don't want to smile
I want to cry but tears don't come
I love my friends and family
I want to help others
but it hurts to be around PEOPLE.

It hurts to put on clothes
It hurts to drive
It hurts to eat
and it hurts to sit still
but it also hurts to move.

Right now no medication can cure it
It can only help slow down how often
I feel like this.
Prayers and serving God give me
some relief as well.

God will get me through this as He always does!  Just have to be patience!
Thank you to all my friends and family for their support!

From a Joyce Meyer's devotional

Show Mercy (agape love) to Your Enemies 

I love the movie "El Cid," the story of the man who united Spain and became a great hero. 

For centuries the Christians had fought the Moors. They hated and killed each other. In battle, El Cid captured five Moors but refused to kill them because he realized that killing had never done any good. He believed that showing mercy to his enemies would change their hearts and then both groups could live in peace. 

One of the Moors he captured said, 'Anyone can kill, but only a true king can show mercy to his enemies.' Because of El Cid's one act of kindness, his enemies offered themselves to him as friends and allies from that point on. 

Jesus is a true king, and He is good, kind and merciful to all, even those who hate Him. Can we do any less than follow His example? Right now, can you think of anyone to whom you could show mercy? Being merciful and good, especially to your enemies, may be one of the most powerful things you have ever done. 

Prayer Starter: God, it's not easy, but like Jesus and El Cid, I want to be the kind of person who shows mercy to all, even my enemies. By Your grace, I choose now to live a life of mercy.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:43-44 NIV)

This is God's answer to a prayer about how to answer a friend's post regarding agape love.  I love how God is using others to challenge my own life and moving me forward!  

Love you all!

What was my strongest church memory as a child?

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1554827051403169&id=1436270426592166

Wow, I remember alots of different "times"at church as a kiddo....so I don't know which one is my strongest one. As I sat here thinking, I was brought to sadness because my favorite times where when I got to go with my grandparents even if it was just me and them. I really loved it when it was the whole family but sometimes it was just Grandma, Papa, and me & my brother.  I miss them because that is where my love for singing came from. I miss Papa's deep bass voice and Grandma's fingers making the piano burst forth with worship and praise for God.  Okay..now I have happy tears again....happy because I got to be there and share their love for God and am FINALLY experiencing my OWN relationship with HIM! 

Felt the need to share this with everyone, and ask YOU the same.....

God is great all the time...All the time God is great!

Love you all!

I surrender all

We let our human nature get the better of us thinking of it is just a little thing and then it snowballs into us taking more control of our lives away from You. The song says I surrender all! Not just our beach front property! You don't want us to come to you during our bad times but during our good as well!  

This was something that God had me talk to my Dad about. He remembers his grandma Hennings and his mom being "Godly" women. I asked him what he meant. He replied that anyone who could keep her cool raising 10 children, referring to Grandma Hennings, just seemed to fit that. I said what little I remembered of Great Grandma, I know she had a relationship with God but I wasn't ever witness to it expect through her love. I never got to go to church with her or see her read her bible.  His mom, Grandma Lois, took me to church, let me she her reading and studying her bible. I saw her share her love of music and signing with those in the nursing homes and any where more than two were gathered.  

I aslo mentioned my mom's parents, Grandma Anne and Papa Charlie. I remember going to church with THEM often. Singing what we consider OLD hymns all the time! They would go and get together with people all over the state of Arkansas and Texas to praise and worship God through singing. Grandpa was a song leader and Grandma played the piano.  I also remember them have coffee during their quiet time while they studied their bible. 

I know Mom and Dad are saved but they have fallen victim to the world just as I did. Just as many of us do.we forget that God wants all of us and doesn't want to be our get out of jail free card. He doesn't want us to just call on Him when it storms but when it is sunshine and roses as well.

Father God, thank you for being there during this storm! Being without the COMFORT of running fresh clean water puts a strain on your life. Even being able to "rinse off" in the pond left us feeling dirty and the more the dirt piled up, the more the sin seemed to follow. The more compromises that arose.  If you just let me do this, I will do that...not just spoken outwardly but through body language and inner vows as well. But God was always there! He would let somethings work because we had given Him praise but as soon as we began relying on our own strengths AGAIN.....we got heat stroke, parts broke, etc..(you get the picture.)

Father God thank you for Your mercies that renew every morning! I am looking forward to this new day!  Please be with Sherry Langston and heal her allergic reaction to this unknown. Remove it from her work area!

Father God, be with little Hudson and family as they struggle with this allergic reaction that has developed into a bigger mountain that needs to know You gave us the power to make it jump! Please guide and direct the doctors and nurses involved! We pray healing and full recovery!

Father God, be with Kim's son, David. Please guide and direct the doctors and nurses involved! We pray healing and full recovery!  Father God, please be with Natalie Eaton and family! We continue to pray healing and full recovery! 

Father God be with our soldiers on foreign and local shores! Be with our police, fire, first responders, doctors and nurses! Let their work be a reflection of their love for You!  In all we ask, Your will be done! In Jesus Name, Amen!

Name Change

I know that many of you are wondering why I changed my name. I am on a journey to become closer to God and strengthen my relationship with Him. One of the steps in my journey has been through Freedom Prayer. It is a prayer session that invites the Holy Spirit to come and speak on behalf of healing wounds, renewing your mind, and transforming your life as God created you instead of the baggage and filth that you have been carrying around. During this prayer, God revealed that He gave me a new name.

Isaiah 62:2 The nations will see your vindication, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.

Revelations 3:12 The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name.


My new name isn't really NEW as in a complete change except in my identity with Christ! Becky was the one who truly fell in love with God and longs to be His child forever! I know it sounds weird or even illogically. It could even play into psychology as schizophrenia. BUT that is only if you are searching for a worldly answer of how God changes your life. He is amazing! I am so blessed!  

So even though I am still legally named Sharon Rebecca Linder, I am now Becky (once again for those who knew me before I graduated from high school). God finally gave me the words to explain exactly what happened! I know that God is not dead! 

I hope that you will stick with me on this journey and maybe even begin their own journey.
In Jesus' Name! Amen!

Time passes so quickly

It seems like it was just yesterday when I say your smiling face.  I heard your deep voice calling out for me to watch out and be careful. I felt your strong hands lifting me up when I fell and brushing off the dirt  from my knees and kissing my tears. Urging me to try again! Never give up! You can do it!
Today marks seven years since You went home to God. You are in such awesome company and no more pain. I know you spend all your time singing God's praise and smiling as you lounge in the presence of the Father and Son.
Your other friends and family are not forgotten. Papa Rube has been up there for twelve years.Grandma Lois has been up there for two years.  I wonder what your days are really like.  Do you look down on us and see our pain and struggles?  I pray that you see more of our good days than our bad.

This is for those who haven't gone to a new home!
I pray that God brings you the blessings of His Love! Let them flow down over your tired aching body and stressed mind allowing you to find that relaxing spot.  Here's to the heroes who never seek the spotlight even though it should seek them!  May a smile also grace your heart and spread to your face!

To write LOVE on my arms

I am writing this in response to a painful event that occurred over the weekend. A young man that one would not have expected took his life. I don't know the reasons and the only ones who truly need that understand are his parents and family.  

My reasons behind this post is to remind others that this is a selfish act. Believe me, when I say that NO ONE truly feels the way your thoughts are making you feel.  So let's break this down into little steps of understanding!

First - they are just thoughts. I have heard them. I know they sound real. They aren't!  They are just a group of fleeting imagined ideas that we have conjured up about ourself because it wasn't about us so we are going to make it ALL ABOUT ME.  It starts off small  - no one likes me and grows into the favorite line - I am no good to anyone and they would be better off without me.  If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself that lie...I would be a millionaire. 

Second - stop believing these lies you are telling yourself.  I know easier said than done! I have fought with these lies for over thirty years. Yes through grade school, even at home, even going to church and becoming a Christian.these thoughts stayed with me and followed me around like a shadow until I was set free with the realization that they are just that...THOUGHTS. And like the saying goes...thoughts can become ours actions.when we choose to focus and believe them over what is REAL. How do you find out the truth?  ASK! Don't keep these lies bottled up inside! I am guilty of this! I would lock myself away in my room and cry about what I felt was wrong...WHY ME.  Everyone would be better off without me. I am good for nothing, ugly, fat, stupid,etc. etc.

Third - there is no strength in keeping it to yourself.  Where would we be if God had kept Jesus and his story to himself? Exactly!  God shared His story with us so that we could draw in His strength. In their greatest times of need, prophets and apostles alike were asking others for prayer! They never went into BATTLES without God by their side in some form...prayer, burning bush, rainbow, etc. God is always by our side but we have to open our eyes and ears to Him.

Fourth - the battle never ends. The enemy wants us to think that it can be silenced with medication, alcohol, drugs, or even worse. Choosing to end the silence forever through whatever means is not the answer and only creates more questions. I have stood on the edge and thought that it would be easier for everyone if I wasn't around. And then God reminds me of each life I have touched in some form or fashion.  "Pick up my cross and follow me," He whispers. 

Fifth - remember you are not alone no matter how lonely you think you are. I am guilty of making my loneliness a prison because I don't think I offer anything that anyone needs or can be used. Then I realize this is how I treat God. I only need Him when I am hurting and sad...what about the other 300 days of the year?  As I told a friend tonight - God brings storms like this into my life to remind me that I have a purpose. To share what He has done for me.

This is just a little part of His goodness and grace. Please pray for this family during their loss. Please lift up others who you have seen small signs from. Also pray that God will open the eyes and ears of those who need Him. Continue to remember those who give their lives in sacrifice for our freedoms - not just our military but missionaries as well!  

With much LOVE in Christ!

Cold Turkey Christian

I want to know your opinion about becoming Christian. Turning over a new life, taking life in a new direction, to run the race to the ultimate goal... Do you give up everything....or just one leaf at a time...or EVERYTHING at once?
The background of this has to do premarital sex.  I am not judging anyone else's decision on this. I just want to know your opinion.
It is like any other addiction in one's life...you have to decide when it is time to change your life for the better, do you change it all the way or just a little bit at a time?
I want you to know that I am trying to change my life to become the wholehearted Christian I am suppose to be...I know that I haven't been living my life as I should...
Anyone? Everyone?
Prayers are always accepted!!!

My job

I LOVE YOU!

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Why do we try to achieve "perfection"? Because we look at others and want to be like them (Hello Hollywood...American Idol?)  What does it take to stop and realize that I am not going to be famous in the eyes of the world?  I have spent over 30 years wishing away time wanting to be "perfect". To be someone THE WORLD likes...to be in the right clothes, the right car, the right school, the right picture, the right song.  High school was the worse. We all seem to look and see the green grass on the other side....and want to jump the fence instead of DOING SOMETHING to fix our problem.  I thought I was doing something...I was...THINKING ABOUT WHY I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH....thinking about how everyone would be happier if I had never been born. (Yes, I put a line through those THOUGHTS because that is just what they are...thoughts...things in my brain that are untrue and only cause me to keep THINKING about them until I have fallen into a hole so deep that I don't want to do anything except wallow in my self pity.)

Taking things for granted, I found myself in a low place.  I still had more than some and still do.  I spent last night "searching" for today's post.  I couldn't get my mind to slow down and then of course several friends kept posting really amazing things on Facebook.  Yes God has been using me more to encourage and motivate others.  I want to challenge my friends and family to help keep each other in check.  In other words, if you see, hear, think or feel that I am slipping away from my Creator...call me on it!  HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!

I am sorry this is just now getting out - I spent the day with Mom getting pool supplies, tomatoes, mosquito repellent plants, jalapenos, and the oil changed on her jeep.  We also found her a new phone cover, had Mexican for lunch, and wandered around a couple of flea markets.  

Peace out Brussels Sprouts!

A Fence or an Ambulance

Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke and full many a peasant.
So the people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not at all tally;
Some said, "Put a fence 'round the edge of the cliff,"
Some, "An ambulance down in the valley."

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,
For it spread through the neighboring city;
A fence may be useful or not, it is true,
But each heart became full of pity
For those who slipped over the dangerous cliff;
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave pounds and gave pence, not to put up a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley.

"For the cliff is all right, if you're careful," they said,
"And, if folks even slip and are dropping,
It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below when they're stopping."
So day after day, as these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would those rescuers sally
To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,
With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old sage remarked: "It's a marvel to me
That people give far more attention
To repairing results than to stopping the cause,
When they'd much better aim at prevention.
Let us stop at its source all this mischief," cried he,
"Come, neighbors and friends, let us rally;
If the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense
With the ambulance down in the valley."

"Oh he's a fanatic," the others rejoined,
"Dispense with the ambulance? Never!
He'd dispense with all charities, too, if he could;
No! No! We'll support them forever.
Aren't we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?
And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?
Why should people of sense stop to put up a fence,
While the ambulance works in the valley?"

But the sensible few, who are practical too,
Will not bear with such nonsense much longer;
They believe that prevention is better than cure,
And their party will soon be the stronger.
Encourage them then, with your purse, voice, and pen,
And while other philanthropists dally,
They will scorn all pretense, and put up a stout fence
On the cliff that hangs over the valley.

Better guide well the young than reclaim them when old,
For the voice of true wisdom is calling.
"To rescue the fallen is good, but 'tis best
To prevent other people from falling."
Better close up the source of temptation and crime
Than deliver from dungeon or galley;
Better put a strong fence 'round the top of the cliff
Than an ambulance down in the valley.

This poem was shared by my cousin, Mercy Hennings.  She posted it after I shared the cartoon I found that a friend shared..... Once again...connections.....

Thankful Tuesday - Method to Your Madness.....

This is a clip from The FlipSide by Mike Purcell, Northbrook , Illinois USA.  He is a retired Naval officer who God called to share his love through this cute little fish character.  Yes he was created after the Ichthys.  According to history, the ichthys was used by underground Christians to find each other as well as meeting places, and tombs during persecution in the Roman Empire.  So I can't find any more information about Mr. Purcell and his creations but I had saved them each time he posted a new one at the Side Stream which is still linked to http://www.christiancartoons.com/.  I will use them from time to time and am going to re-work them into affirmation cards.  I think we have gotten away from being too personal with all of the technology.  It is hard to share with people who you aren't connected with....  Bring back the ARK....A Random Act of Kindness....

And now the reason I chose this one clip....Method to Your Madness.... I have gone through life wondering WHAT GOD IS THINKING.... a)I am no one...why me...and b)why did that happen....
There in lies my problem...I THINK TOO MUCH....Thoughts do nothing but produce more thoughts.
I am slowly being more active - maybe not physically enough to run a marathon but enough to move for God more.  To stop reading between the lines....I WANT TO BE MORE....
Where does this lead me...to my jewelry that I miss making, to fulfilling a need at church, in community, or for my friends, to a completely new road of a mission abroad (that is anywhere I would be required to go and spend at least a week away from home).

Monday Musings

As I was sitting down this morning to reflect on the past few days, I have felt myself become ALIVE.  I have felt drawn closer to God and closer to my purpose, my talents, my reason to be...
I find myself being drawn to motivate, to encourage, and to draw upon that courage and LOVE on all that I can.
I saw myself in church yesterday grow from being bitterly disappointed earlier that morning to standing on the arms of grace and mercy.  I learned that I was giving Satan way too much credit and that my thoughts are actually my undoing...
SO STOP THINKING AND START DOING!!!
The next step...to continue with my walk and grow closer to God and be the light He called me to be.

A long time coming

It has been long time coming for my guilt and shame to catch up with me. I know you are thinking what guilt and shame should a Christian have.  Anytime a Christian falls away from God, we end up with guilt and shame because we have thrown away a most precious gift for something we though was more shiny, was better, was what we needed at that moment.  I had fallen away from God and was becoming what can be identified as a stinky Christian.  Yes I was still a child of God but I wasn't living like it.  My light wasn't shining for Him.  I had turned dark and ugly.  Worse yet, I COULD BEGIN TO SMELL MYSELF.  I knew what I was doing was against God and that it would only result in more heartache and pain than mercy, grace and joy.
No being a Christian isn't about being smiling and happy all the time.  It is about being to able to understand that even though I am down, I am not out.  God has created me and through HIS grace and mercy, I can have joy through the storm.
Oh...boy....I have been spending the last month dwelling on WHY ME...even through my compassion for those in need, I was still only thinking about myself.  I even spent last night hurt because all I could think about was myself.
I know God has blessed me with so much and I have that to share with the world.  I know what my problem is...I am holding on to my Styrofoam cup, longing for the world to fill me up.....I know God created me - not just a masterpiece but a piece of the Master!  I know He had my life planned out before He created me. I am trying to be that light He wants me to be.
I am still listening for His still small voice.....riding in my storm....